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Coming Out

Posted by kolruse on 2009.11.28 at 13:46
Hey everyone,
I'm Nikolai (or Niko) and just recently came out to my family as trans (FTM). So far, my parents have done really well with dealing with it although I know they're terrified and confused. I'm only nineteen so I know they're hoping this might just be some phase I'll pass through. I live in California so there are many FTM support groups and things like that in the area but I'm kind of confused just as where to go or what to do at the moment. I would love more than anything to start T quickly as now that it's out in the open, I can't just sit here and pretend like it's all good anymore. Any suggestions or stories or anything would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Comments:


Michael
ftmichael at 2009-11-28 22:10 (UTC) (Link)
FYI, ftm and transgender are a lot more active than here.

As helpful as the internet is, nothing is the same as talking to other people face to face. Go to a local FTM support group. Where in CA are you?

Did you give your parents resources, or are they just flailing in the abyss with no connection to this whole thing except you?
Niko
kolruse at 2009-11-28 22:23 (UTC) (Link)
Ah, okay, thanks.

I've been to one meeting for FTM's at the LGBT center a couple days and my mom went with me, so I'll probably continue to go there. I'm in San Diego.

I've shown my mom sites like ftmguide and sdftm-so as well as some information from the meeting so she knows the basics. But this is all still new to her. My dad is pretty much in the dark because he's going to be harder to work with.
Michael
ftmichael at 2009-11-28 22:38 (UTC) (Link)
Oh good, that's the San Diego chapter of FTM International. I'm glad you found them.

Put your mom (and your dad, if possible) on http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transfamilyofcleve/ (open list) and http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transkidsfamily/ (parents-only list). They need to talk to other parents, not just get their information through you.

Links for you - take your time going through them! The point is that you have a load of them so you can go through them at whatever pace you want, and in whatever order you want, and not have to stop to look for more for quite a while.

http://imatyfa.org/
http://ftmmentors.org/
http://transfamily.org/
http://transbucket.com/
http://trans-health.org/
http://camparanutiq.org/
http://transmasculine.com/
http://transkidspurplerainbow.org/
http://youtube.com/user/mightiermenftm
http://t-vox.org/ - resource/info central
http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=266
http://t-vox.org/index.php?title=Support_groups
http://t-vox.org/index.php?title=Online_Support
http://safeschoolscoalition.org/whydontyoutellthem.pdf
http://ftmichael.transboys.info/yayforqueers.html - come chat!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/teentransman/ - for Trans guys 25 and under
http://youtube.com/watch?v=vPBLYBIo0uw - ten-minute YouTube on coming out as FTM

Must-reads (don't give anything to your parents until you've read it yourself, but they're all good for parents, particularly Trans Forming Families, Our Trans Children, and The Transgender Child):
Luna by Julie Anne Peters
Parrotfish by Ellen Wittlinger
Just Add Hormones by Matt Kailey
Becoming a Visible Man by Jamison Green
The Transgender Child by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper
Trans Forming Families, edited by Mary Boenke (third edition, 2008, orange cover) - available from PFLAG's Transgender Network for $10
The Our Trans Children leaflet (sixth edition) - available from PFLAG's Transgender Network for $2, or you can save and print it yourself for free. The booklet is their only source of revenue, so if you can afford to pay for it, please do!
TransGeneration (Ignore what Lucas says in the first episode about hormones being "very dangerous" - they're not, not if you get them through a competent doctor and have regular - which usually means annual - bloodwork, and that was irresponsible of him to say.)
(The books, aside from Trans Forming Families, can be ordered on amazon.com or you can get the ISBNs from amazon.com and bring them to any bookstore to order them. Trans Forming Families is available from PFLAG's Transgender Network for $10. The DVD can be ordered on amazon.com also, as you see from the link.)
Niko
kolruse at 2009-11-28 22:54 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you so so much. That is incredibly helpful.
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